Just an update...

Been doing so so since I last posted. I weighed myself on mom's scale last week, and I was the same. That's a good thing. I'll weigh myself tomorrow and I'm hoping for another same day. Of course a loss would be great, but I don't think that's gonna happen with the way I've been eating this week. With being out of town and also not being very active from my back being out. That's why I'm hoping for a stay. I'm still optimistic though that this will be the time I change my life.

I had a loss!!

Woo Hoo. I weighed myself this morning, and I'm down 7 pounds from the last time I weighed!! I'm actually now where I was when I got pregnant with both kids. Now to just get down to where I weighed when I had them, then I'd be even more excited.

I know some of the loss has been because I haven't been able to eat much the past couple days of being sick. So to just keep on eating well, and I won't put it back on. I'm feeling very encouraged.

Playing the Victim

Ok, so I'm one of the millions of Americans who watch Biggest Loser. Loney and I even considered applying for the show a year ago which means we would have been on this season. In all the season's I've watched, tonight's show hit me kinda hard. For some reason the confrontation Jillian had with Laura gave me an aha moment. I believe I'm one of those that is playing the victim. That I want acceptance from everyone around me to fill this need inside. Doing things halfway and thinking that's good enough. Obviously it's not! Look at where I'm at. I'm pushing 250 pounds, my knees and legs ache almost constantly, I get headaches frequently, and I know my health is in jeopardy I'm just too scared to see how bad it's gotten.

I've got to focus these feelings I have inside of me and push myself further then I ever have before. I'm afraid of failing and letting everyone down. Letting myself down. I'm afraid that maybe I don't have it in me to succeed. That it's too hard. Where has taken the easy way gotten me? An early grave? A life that is consumed with eating to fill that hole inside of me that can be found in other ways?

I'm not a victim. I am a hero..to myself..to my kids..to my family. I will be the ultimate success story in my book of LIFE. Because if I am successful, I can then help others become successful. Whether they be my children living a full and healthy life I didn't have..up until now, or other so called "victims" like me who need a swift kick in the butt to get the fire burning.

Stay tuned and to anyone who is following my journey, keep me in line and remind me why I am no longer a victim to my life of "easy".

"[It is] God that girdeth me with strength, and maketh my way perfect." Psalms 18:32

"Counsel [is] mine, and sound wisdom: I [am] understanding; I have strength." Proverbs 8:14