Just an update...

Been doing so so since I last posted. I weighed myself on mom's scale last week, and I was the same. That's a good thing. I'll weigh myself tomorrow and I'm hoping for another same day. Of course a loss would be great, but I don't think that's gonna happen with the way I've been eating this week. With being out of town and also not being very active from my back being out. That's why I'm hoping for a stay. I'm still optimistic though that this will be the time I change my life.

I had a loss!!

Woo Hoo. I weighed myself this morning, and I'm down 7 pounds from the last time I weighed!! I'm actually now where I was when I got pregnant with both kids. Now to just get down to where I weighed when I had them, then I'd be even more excited.

I know some of the loss has been because I haven't been able to eat much the past couple days of being sick. So to just keep on eating well, and I won't put it back on. I'm feeling very encouraged.

Playing the Victim

Ok, so I'm one of the millions of Americans who watch Biggest Loser. Loney and I even considered applying for the show a year ago which means we would have been on this season. In all the season's I've watched, tonight's show hit me kinda hard. For some reason the confrontation Jillian had with Laura gave me an aha moment. I believe I'm one of those that is playing the victim. That I want acceptance from everyone around me to fill this need inside. Doing things halfway and thinking that's good enough. Obviously it's not! Look at where I'm at. I'm pushing 250 pounds, my knees and legs ache almost constantly, I get headaches frequently, and I know my health is in jeopardy I'm just too scared to see how bad it's gotten.

I've got to focus these feelings I have inside of me and push myself further then I ever have before. I'm afraid of failing and letting everyone down. Letting myself down. I'm afraid that maybe I don't have it in me to succeed. That it's too hard. Where has taken the easy way gotten me? An early grave? A life that is consumed with eating to fill that hole inside of me that can be found in other ways?

I'm not a victim. I am a hero..to myself..to my kids..to my family. I will be the ultimate success story in my book of LIFE. Because if I am successful, I can then help others become successful. Whether they be my children living a full and healthy life I didn't have..up until now, or other so called "victims" like me who need a swift kick in the butt to get the fire burning.

Stay tuned and to anyone who is following my journey, keep me in line and remind me why I am no longer a victim to my life of "easy".

"[It is] God that girdeth me with strength, and maketh my way perfect." Psalms 18:32

"Counsel [is] mine, and sound wisdom: I [am] understanding; I have strength." Proverbs 8:14

Neglectful

I know, I've neglected this blog, and really I've neglected myself. Just no drive, no desire, and no umph to get this going. I know, it's just a cop out. I guess I just really need to sit down and find out why I'm sabotaging myself ALL of the time. One excuse over the other. My house is a mess, my kids are whiney, I'm too tired, I'll do it tomorrow. The excuses never end. I deserve a better life, I can achieve my ideals. I'm better than the rut I'm stuck in. Set backs are inevitable, things happen, but the excuses aren't worth my life. They aren't worth my children having a mother who is too tired to play with them outside. They just aren't worth it. I'm worth more then an excuse.


I'M WORTH MORE!!!!

A little behind...

I've not done the best this past week or so. This stressful weekend, I did eat almost everything in site, and made one excuse or another why I wouldn't walk/exercise. I've got to make that commitment to change my life. That I am in control. I need to stop sabotaging myself and get moving. It's not going to fall off by itself, only I can lose this weight.

I'm just so frustrated.

A Good Start

So I've had a pretty good start this past week. I walked with my SIL for 3 days this past week. I hope to continue to walk at least 4-5 days a week. I tried the Yoga DVD as well, and although it was super hard I felt pretty good afterwards. It was a little difficult to do since Melody decided to climb on my legs and back while I was in some of the positions. What a stinker.

I've not been eating terribly, but I figured this month I'd focus on moving more rather then my food. Of course it will be in the back of my mind to pay attention to what I eat so as to not go overboard.

Achievement

The buzz these days is to pick a word to best represent 2009. I finally found mine: Achievement. That's what I need to strive for. To achieve my goals I set whether it be weight loss, spiritual inspiration, mundane duties. I can and will achieve those things I set my mind to. What about you?

I've been doing so good these past couple of days. My eating is ok, but I've walked (walk away the pounds) 2 miles so far since yesterday. I plan on doing the DVD 5-6 days a week. It helps that I'm the motivator for Susan. Some sort of motivation is what I need to get going. I also bought a Biggest Loser Yoga DVD and did some tonight...whoa boy. It was tough but I feel better after doing most of it. Melody was trying to help me ;). This has got to be my year. I can feel myself getting sicker by the day.

I told my mom that this was my time. She's leaving me to serve the Lord with my dad and I promised her I would get healthy. Her weight for me to be at is 170. Actually she said 165, but that's my ideal weight, so anywhere in the area is perfect. I've got a long way to go, but I can do it. I have it in me to not hold back. To better myself and my family. Only I can change myself and set the tone and example for others. I pray for strength to carry that burden and not get discouraged. I will have those awful moments of weakness and want to give up. I pray I will get past the hurting, the sadness, the dispair, whatever lies ahead. I can't hide anymore or ignore the inevitable. I won't give up hope.